Sexuality

THE ADDICTION REQUIRES MORE AND MORE

8. October, 2013Mental Health Counseling, Ministries, SexualityNo comments

All addictions require more and more stimuli to attain the desired effect. Smokers don’t start out smoking two packs a day. They build up to that level over time. Gamblers start with one bet. Those addicted to power started with their first position of authority. The love and hoarding of money began with not sharing. The same is true with pornography. What excited you sexually when you began using pornography is most likely boring and blah to you now. To get the level of excitement they need, men will seek more graphic, explicit, and lewd materials so they can become aroused and climax. Addictions are progressive, and even if they are put aside for a time, the person will pick up right where he left off. For example, if a one-pack-a-day smoker quits for a time, when he resumes the habit he will be back at one pack in no time—and will most likely advance to two packs a day. With any habit, you cannot go back to the beginning stages and go through the initial steps again. The addiction controls the need to get to the point of destruction. That is the only expected and logical outcome of an addiction. The addiction requires more and more, because what was once tantalizing is no longer enough. You now need to go deeper and deeper into the types of materials—maybe even more graphic or to images of children or animals or to sadism or masochism. The endless degree to which some men will go creates greater isolation. Part of the effect it has on you and the people around you is that you are taking away from them. Whether it is the sleep you miss while engaged in activities you prefer to keep secret, the time you spend with your family, the sexual intimacy you are taking away from your wife, or the honesty—being truthful and realistic with her. Take an inventory of the effects this addiction is having on your relationship. Is there open and honest communication with your wife? What else are you hiding that also needs to be revealed? If you think that using pornography affects only you, you are lying to yourself. It doesn’t affect only you—it affects all the people around you. The closer you become to pornography, the greater the distance you are building between yourself and your wife and family. By requiring more and more, the addiction also takes more and more away from those people around you. It erodes the very hearts of your relationships. It is truly a roaring lion seeking whom it may devour.

Points to Consider

1. What level is your behavior?
2. How deep are you into this?
3. How many hours a day, how many days a week? How graphic is the material you need to become aroused?
4. What is the outcome of my choice to use pornography?

Scripture Reading: Ephesians 4:15-19

Frederick, Dennis (2011-07-29). Conquering Pornography: Overcoming the Addiction. WinePress Publishing. Kindle Edition.

THE TRIGGERS THAT GOT YOU HOOKED

16. September, 2013SexualityNo comments

Many things can trigger a person to be attracted to pornography. Sometimes it’s loneliness or the lack of healthy relationships. It could be a sense of not being loved by anyone or perhaps not even loving yourself. It may be triggered by anger—something deep down inside that tells you that you deserve more; I want something I can’t have. Men often identify stress as the trigger that pushed them into their addiction to pornography; they see it as a form of release from the pressures of their job or their life or financial concerns. Many triggers, if not recognized and avoided, could lead men into using pornography. Knowing what your triggers are—what the driving force is behind your addiction—and then knowing what you are trying to escape from through pornography is part of the cure.

Scripture Reading: 2 Corinthians 10:5

Frederick, Dennis (2011-07-29). Conquering Pornography: Overcoming the Addiction (Kindle Locations 560-576). WinePress Publishing. Kindle Edition.

LONELINESS AND ISOLATION

4. September, 2013SexualityNo comments

The use of pornography can often emerge from feelings of loneliness and isolation. Men use it to fill a void. “I don’t have a girlfriend or wife.” “My relationship with my wife isn’t fulfilling.” “I’m not what I want to be.” So you go to pornography to live in a fantasy world, which perpetuates the isolation. Once you are into pornography, you become more isolated because of the guilt, the taboo, or the social embarrassment. You may even feel exhilarated because, like a little boy, you think you are “getting away with something” and only you will know about it. Some men even hold back on revealing the addiction because they fear it will affect their career or their Christian status in the community or how their family feels about them. This feeds the vicious cycle of isolation. Isolation breeds more isolation.

Frederick, Dennis (2011-07-29). Conquering Pornography: Overcoming the Addiction (Kindle Locations 512-518). WinePress Publishing. Kindle Edition.

THE LIE OF DECEPTION

3. September, 2013SexualityNo comments

In general, when men are initially exposed to pornography, the lie that is formulated and perpetrated is this: “I’m just curious; I just want to see what the pictures look like; I found this site on the Internet and scrolled through the pages; I didn’t want to look like a nerd to my buddies; I wanted to fit in with the rest of the guys; I think it’s kind of exciting; I just want to know what it’s all about.” I think of one young man who got into using pornography without even thinking of the consequences. It was available, and he liked looking at it because it was fun. He was naïve, and it didn’t occur to him that this was wrong. Another teen whom I counseled thought he would be accepted if he brought some pornographic images depicting a well-known cartoon character that someone had drawn engaging in graphic activities. He decided that taking these to school would be a way to show he was cool and maybe help him be accepted. When the other students saw the drawings, the school bully threatened to beat up the teen if he didn’t go home and print out another set. When the bully was presented with the printouts the next morning in the school hallway, the vice principal caught the youths. They were busted, and their parents became involved in the incident. That teen learned a valuable life lesson. The lie of pornography comes in various forms. Thinking that your involvement will make you more accepted or will teach you important techniques is the hook that drags you into the addiction. What you soon find, however, is that you need more and more. The disturbing thing about this process is that it is subtle, carefully crafted by the “evil one,” which can cause any person to stumble without knowing they have fallen.

Frederick, Dennis (2011-07-29). Conquering Pornography: Overcoming the Addiction (Kindle Location 494). WinePress Publishing. Kindle Edition.

The Uniqueness of Sexual Sin

29. August, 2013SexualityNo comments

Sexual addictions are unique because they directly affect the soul. According to the Bible, when we sin against our own bodies, it affects our minds as well as our whole selves. There can be alcohol addictions or gambling and smoking addictions—literally the list is endless for the types of things people can find themselves being controlled by. However, a sexual addiction is unique. It also is the one addiction that can kick in endorphins.

Frederick, Dennis (2011-07-29). Conquering Pornography: Overcoming the Addiction (Kindle Locations 421-424). WinePress Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Dr. Frederick’s New Book

7. August, 2013SexualityNo comments

Dr. Frederick and the staff of Tern Christian Counseling have begun work an exciting new book “Simpler Journey”. The focus of Dr. Denny Frederick’s new book will be on how to simplify your life; especially as you look forward towards retirement.

History/Mission Statement

9. November, 2010SexualityNo comments

Tern Christian Counseling is a subsidiary of Tern Ministries which was established in January 1987 by Dr’s Dennis & Glenna Frederick. For over 25 years, Dr. Dennis Frederick’s vision has been to keep Tern alive and thriving.

Our purpose is to provide genuine, caring, client-centered, directive, professional, Christian mental health counseling, which includes psychological assessment, training, and consultation to individuals, couples, families, and groups at a fair market value, in a manner that is glorifying to God.

Tern Christian Counseling continues to be a viable for profit ministry meeting the psychological and educational needs for the entire state of Washington.

Please feel free to contact us today to speak with a therapist or counselor.

Specialties

5. November, 2010SexualityNo comments

Here is a list of specialties handled at our office:

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Life Coaching

• Sexual issues

• Eating disorders

• Anxiety

• Grief

• Depression

• Autism

• Personality Disorders

• OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

• Anger

• Self-Esteem

• Interventions

• Post abortions

• ADD/ADHD

• Group psychotherapy

• Adults

• Children

• Adolescents

• Women’s issues

• Marital counseling

• Family reconciliations

 

Don’t see what you are looking for? Contact us today to find out if it is something one of our counselors can help you with.

Korea Outreach

14. December, 2009SexualityNo comments

Tern  Christian Counseling and Cascade Christian Schools are heavily involved in the Korean exchange student program. We have students come from Korea and attend school over here as well as Dr. Glenna and Dennis Frederick have gone to Korea to teach at their schools and churches.

Dr. Denny’s book Conquering Pornography; Overcoming the Addiction  has also been translated into Korean and published. It is now being sold in Korea.

It is an amazing and growing connection.